The un-sticky motive - Tommy Guns and ‘Dead’-lines

The un-sticky motive - Tommy Guns and ‘Dead’-lines

Doe, standing next to a chalked outline that resembles the shape of a human body, “The body was found at midnight, seems like the guy took too many sleeping pills, wrote his dying note and then wham! Smack right out the apartment window. Ten stories down… heck I can’t even look 10 stories down, gives me the creeps... so our guy jumps out the window and lands on a taxi cab parked right under his apartment window. Talk about bad luck… well shit happens... wrong place wrong time, but the sad part is that no one noticed the body until the car owner realized he needed a police report to claim insurance. Sad, plain sad... if I could rewind the scene I’d drop the cabby... well lets wrap up, nothing to see here... it’s a case of suicide… and my wife made Chinese tonight so I’m leaving.” Jimmy, discontent with the explanation, “But why kill himself, he had a great job... no family issues... son just got married, no case of prior medical or mental illness, no criminal record... the guy’s as clean as the bottled water we get at our office..” Doe, “It tastes like rotten sushi...” Jimmy, “That’s what I meant... the case is clean but smells... we cant call it suicide without finding enough clues and a motive... we need a motive… we cant stick it until we find the facts” Doe, “Motive.. I’ll give you a motive... the guy flipped. People can’t take too much of a bad time... he couldn’t handle too much of a good one... let’s go... I’ll save some Chinese for ya!”

Taking someone’s life needs a strong motive, the act isn’t small and not everyone can do it, unless they have been through the worse back to back situations imaginable and the inner voices to tip them over to commit the unimaginable.

Most part of our lives is spent at work, or at home worrying about something that relates to work. Getting out of bed is the hardest part in the morning, getting out of bed without a reason is even harder. If ending someone’s life is that big a deal that it requires a very strong motive, so does living life itself.

So if everyone knows motivation is all important, why can’t we do anything about it. Why isn’t it obvious? Instead of being the ten gazzilion’th guy to tell you how to motivate your people, I’m going to argue about some globally accepted rules about motivation that to me seem as wrong as a well off guy committing suicide. Since I like my arguments different, instead of examining a case study of GE, I’ll talk about the next coolest thing... the Mafia. Jack Welch vs. Don Corleone. Now that’s a tough one.

The people involved in the gang Mafia aren’t all dumb uneducated people. They’re not all from broken homes. It’s not that they didn’t have a choice. They chose this or were convinced to choose this line of work. You must be thinking, what has this to do with organizational employee motivation. Well for one thing, these are acts, which require humans, it’s a daily routine, there is a hierarchy, there are goals, people get something out of it. And most of all people choose these instead of being in marketing, advertising or IT professionals etc and follow their tasks with motivation levels compared to the store managers of WalMart.

Analyzing in these lines, our conclusions fall apart. Motivated people don’t need globally accepted challenging goals, the Jack Welch type leaders or the Google type organizations. Its all relative, it all depends on the context and how the belief is set in the minds of the employees.

For instance, if someone put a gun in your hand, gave you 3 grand and asked you to kill the guy next door, would you do it? Chances are you wont. Money, even if in large amounts won’t motivate you to kill someone. Make a MBA sit and make phone calls for telemarketing having 12 hour shifts, chances are... he won’t do it. No matter how much you’re willing to pay him.
So money is not one of the effective motivating factors, but in retrospect, it’s actually more dangerous to keep someone who works just for the paycheck. In that case, if you’re paying him 10 grand to wipe out the competition, chances are the competition might hire him in 15 g’s to take you down. I heard its not that bad six feet under, but you never know, they might be dead wrong. In this case, Loyalty and Dedication has “values”, monetary and numeric, and it can be bought.So don’t hire people who work for money, just reward the ones who let you live another day.

Now, given the above situation, if the person was given a gun, was cornered in a dark alley by two thugs who just decapitated an innocent bystander for no good reason, and was given the motivation of his very existence, chances are he’d put a few holes in the face of the imminent threat. What changed his mind, the context of the situation. Remember, this time we didn’t even give him any money.

Give the MBA a telemarketer’s role for a software that runs the back end financial systems of major multi national companies and tell him that any lead found would be followed up, approached, met and managed by him, with a cut in the money generated in the process. This guy would be willing to work even if he was being paid less than the first guy mentioned. Remember, heroes are normal people who in the given extraordinary situation, perform to their fullest. Heroes are situational, so is success. It’s all relative, it’s all context sensitive.

So after the situational killings, do we have our trusty hitman? Would the person kill again if paid to do so? NO! Why? Well because he’s not a killer. That one incident wasn’t enough to change his mind. Now, if for instance the thugs he killed were from a Mafia gang, they would of course retaliate, try to hunt the guy down, smash his car, break his house, and kidnap his son if he happens to have one. In this situation the guy tries to get help the official way through police; chances are he won’t find his answers from a bunch of people who care more about donuts than people. That’s where you take advantage of the situation. The right kind of Al Pacino can go over to him and say “Sonny, you ain’t going to find any help there… the world ain’t fair, no one can help you but yourself… you have to get your own justice done, you know you’re right… doesn’t matter if people don’t like what you do, hell with them… so you see I know this person from downtown, helped me out once I got my foot stuck in the wrong kind of pond if y’know what I mean… it’s a 5 minutes drive... got a car?”All of this could well have been pre-planned. It was the test, the infusion process.

Now think in lines of your business, marketing might seems an interesting job, but how do you make someone really gel with your ideas and strategies and be part of the inner circle. An enthusiastic bright kid, a market opportunity, the right kind of mentor with the right kind of message (translated in the way the kid wants to hear it) and an ultimate never ending goal.

In the Mafia, the guy is connected to the upper management once he’s ready. He is trained by the best and eventually become part of the inner circle who find and train more recruits themselves. Everyone and every act is keep under a watchful eye. Most of all, there comes a point that wrong is not wrong anymore, its right. Its right against all meanings of the word right. The contagious idea is made to stick with proper training and tests against calculated situations. Its sticky cause once you’re an outlaw the society doesn’t accept you, so you in turn don’t accept the society.

In all this wrong, they’re right in the way they infuse people into their world. That’s a major thing organizations take for granted.

So instead of the motivation fading away after the first wave of announcements, you can make it stick by

1. Pick the few people that fit
2. Train those people in the ways of the organization by people who can connect and influence
3. Keep them motivated by challenging them
4. Make the motivation sticky by providing the context and situations
5. Keep monitoring and tinkering with the formula

By right mix of the above, the thought process of people can be changed. You can change what people think is motivating by changing their frame of reference, by changing their context. Changing the way one thinks doesn’t require a multi million campaign but a few trainers who people trust and importance to little details.

Motivation then becomes a trivial follow up.

Motivation: To provide with “something”, as a need or desire that impels or initiates a person to a certain course of action or behaviour.

Reference: Some text, content and ideas taken from the book "Tipping Point" by Michael Gladwell

Life and Coffee

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old universitylecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and anassortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain looking and some expensive and exquisite,telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking,expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to wantonly the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you reallywanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups.""Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just toolsto hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change." "Sometimes, by concentrating only onthe cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."
So don't let the cups drive you...enjoy the coffee instead.

Of Cults and Visionaries

Who doesn’t like weekends. After all it’s a two day trip away from the exhaustion of work. If you're unlucky enough to have climbed up the corporate ladder to end up in a position of management dealing with Human Resource issues, the weekend is always a dream getaway (unless you have two kids fighting over who gets to take the 4x4 out for a date).
Mondays, don’t we all hate them? They come after you had a wonderful time out over the weekend with friends and family. So you come in, punch your time card and after getting a nice cup of coffee start skimming through the emails you got over the weekend. SPAM SPAM SPAM, routine broadcast office emails and some follow ups to emails you sent out right before the weekend. After going through all unread emails and jotting down your to do list for the day, you kick back lean back on your chair and think to yourself, two three routine tasks, everything going good, this Monday might not be bad at all.
Suddenly before you start making plans about where to go for lunch, an employee Buzz's you on IM.
Engineer: "I wanted to talk to you about something, do you have time before lunch"
You think to yourself, must be something about the task I gave him, better deal with it so that I can have lunch in harmony. You tell him to come in the conference room.

The conversation starts about how the weekend went and the big match on Sunday. You slowly move towards more serious business and ask him how his work and assignments are going. He tells you a few issues about the amount of work load he's been had to put up with for the past few weeks. Related to all that stress he wants a few days off to get himself back into shape. You think to yourself *sigh* that was it, thank God. You tell him he can take a leave as soon as he delivers the code needed for the next demo.

As you start gathering your stuff to rush out of the room and start with your tasks, the engineer says "One more thing, what difference do you think it would make if I were to leave this company… actually the real reason I wanted to talk to you is that I just got an offer from….. (After that everything just seemed like a story you’ve heard so many times that you could remember as clearly as Alice in wonderland).

After trying to persuade him to stay, seeing his firm response you start thinking about plan B, replacement and transition. You ask yourself, why do people leave? You're pay structure is competitive, working hours are good and you have sufficiently challenging work for them. Then you ask yourself, why are you still here.

The story I described above is something we all face from time to time, all of us who in some way whether willing or not have been pulled into the unexplainable and un-pleasurable world of Human Resource management. Like anyone else, I wanted to know how the big boys do it, why would someone want to work for lesser pay, worse work environment and trivial work for a big name company. Is it the name, the job security or maybe the fringe benefits they give away every year? Was there something wrong in how we went about our business.

Amazingly, what I found common in all these companies, the successful ones, the ones you would want your company to be like, is that they all believe in themselves. Their beliefs are so strong sometimes that they know no boundaries to align everything they do to walk in the same line as these beliefs. Beliefs, more appropriately called visions or core ideology are the main difference between companies that take the leap and take the lead versus companies that follow the followers.
Computer Tabulating Recording Company, lead by Watson Snr, was renamed into a new company that boasted its elitism as the founder believed in the idea that "You cannot have success in any business unless you think it’s the greatest business in the world." The company was renamed to International Business Machines (IBM) in 1914. Sony wasn't always Sony, and it did not start off with making WEGA TVs.
It was previously Tokyo Tsushin Kogyo, it was founded after the remains of 1945. Even at that time, low on cash flow, it did not make business its main focus. It did not start of to just make profits, that was just something that supported their main vision. To elevate Japans name in world trade and make "Made in Japan" equal or even better than Made in USA. Masaru Ibuka wanted his company to be a pioneer in consumer electronics. To take on the world he changed the companys name to Sony Corporation. Sony started with selling baked beans and crude heating pads. Cheap rice cookers and tape recorders. Sony hit it bigtime after going after the impossible (at the time) transistor pocket radio.

I mentioned just a few facts from visionary companies, just to re-iterate the fact that they did take a big risk and a bold step to become what they are right now, and it was made possible because of one thing and one thing alone, "belief".

Normally people think that visionary companies work like how any normal person would dream to work, unfortunately that’s not true. Here's a list of common things people perceive to be true for visionary companies, or bigger better companies and provide as a reason to move out of your shabby business, but the reality is quite the contrary.

It takes a great idea to start a company
Visionary companies share a common subset of core values
The only constant is change
Blue chip companies play it safe
Visionary companies are great places to work, for everyone
Good management can be hired from outside, specially to drive change

In the remaining part of this article I will bust these myths with facts one by one.

Sony started with selling crude heating pads, IBM made accounting software, Phillip Morris didn't have Marlboro since the start (they repositioned a little-known women's cigarette brand with a Cowboy mascot). So it is not the idea that starts the company, rather it’s the vision or core ideology that starts it and fuels the genesis of great ideas.

So if it’s the core values that are central to a visionary company, they should be common across all successful companies. Again, NO! Every company has its own core values which vary greatly from others. Sony wanted to elevate Japans presence in consumer electronics worldwide, make "Made in Japan" on par with Made in USA or even better", to be Pioneers. Disney wanted to "bring happiness to millions" through its "fanatical attention to consistency and detail", continuous progress via creativity, dreams and imagination.

These companies don’t change their core ideology, they don’t change their entire business, but what they do is they align their business with their core ideology. Disney didn’t start making movies just for adults; it has shifted from making just cartoons, but the movies are for kids and grown ups alike. Boeing didn’t just stick to war planes, they moved to passenger aircrafts when the time was right, but they preserved their ideology to be "pioneers of the sky", but they didn’t start making cars.

BHAGs: Big Hairy Audacious Goals is something you will see across all visionary companies. This is something that makes visionary companies visionary. Not because they have deep pockets and can risk a lot more, but because they believe so strongly in themselves that they can put all their money on something considered by others as impossible. Transistor Radio (Sony), Full Length Cartoon Feature (Disney's Snow White), First commercial passenger jet 707 (Boeing), Disney's crazy idea of an amusement park (Disneyland), IBM's 360 Machine. Most of these companies bet their existence on the success of these very projects.

Visionary companies believe in their ideology so strongly that they can be called cultish. Because of this, if do not belief in the vision you can't stick for too long. You will either find it as the best work place or the worst; you will either blend in or be ejected like a virus. Wal-Mart employees do their store chants, Phillip Morris employees consider smoking an individual's right, if you don’t believe in magic you don’t belong in Disney. You will have to change yourself to their ways, they wont change their ways to make it easier for you, again because they are very clear of what they believe in.

Last but not least is the myth about hiring management from outside, as tempting as it may seem, it conflicts with the central belief of visionary companies. The "core ideology", someone recruited from outside will not belief in it from the start. Also he would not absorb the ideals and processes that quickly as he has been calibrated to other ways of work. That is why most visionary companies use a very strict selection process to filter candidates that would easier adapt to their visions and processes. They undergo a closely monitored extensive training process. Disney has its own Disney University where they teach people to make "magic", first course in this is about the core ideology of Disney, called the Disney Traditions orientation. So if you promote someone from within (which all visionary companies do) for a management position, you have someone who already has proved their belief in the company core values and is willing to go that extra mile to pursue keeping it alive.

In the end I would like to suggest to you, the reader, if you are involved in HR management, if you think that it's something wrong you are doing that’s making people leave, think again. If people don’t come to your hiring test saying that they have so and so years experience and feel offended giving a test, tell them to take a hike, they don’t belong with your company. If some employee complains that the work he or she is doing is trivial and is not challenging enough, tell them this is how the big companies started too, you should learn to walk before you can run. They complain about being overworked, tell them Bill gates and Steve jobs made their developers work graveyard shifts too. If they say they don’t believe, something went wrong. Either you don’t have a core ideology that fuels enough energy to drive the masses, or that its there but its not being communicated in all aspects of your business. If everything is there, then simply you made a wrong call during the interview.

Next Monday you're in office, ask yourself "Do you believe", then "Do I make them believe…"

Cult: a body of persons characterized by great devotion to some person, idea or thing

Reference: Some text, content and ideas taken from the book "Built to Last: Sucessful habits of visionary companies" by James Collins and Jerry Porras

Brand new day, same ‘ol shit!

Brand new day, same ‘ol shit!

It’s been quite a while since I last blogged. A lot has happened in all this time. Its not that I didn’t have anything to write about, I just had a little change in priorities. Always thought that this next weekend I’ll find time to dump all the crap I have gathered in my brain into a dark eerie abusive blog. Life doesn’t play by our rules does it… heh… well I got tied up in my own work, the never ending cycle of daily routine that I so despise myself, but I still got myself trapped in it, ironic isn’t it.

So what made me find time to blog again tonight, yeah its 10 PM and I have nothing else to do, my life is pointless and my cable is cut, but there was something else. Its hard to explain exactly what, but a few conversations I had with my friends over the past few days that woke the devil inside of me, who by the way hates the world as we know it, wants to change it, and if it cant change, wants to set everything ablaze and see it burn into ashes from a dark alley with a smile on his face.

Ok so I got a little excited there, but yeah there is this dark side inside of me, the beast within me as I like to call it. It’s inside most of us. It wants change, it hates people that have screwed up your life or hurt you in some way, the stupid idiots that have shit for brains but still influence a larger part of society. The definition is different in different contexts, but the hate is the same. We all wish we’d have a flamethrower or a set of melee weapons to unleash our uncontrollable anger.

Anyways so when I thought about what to write, a lot of things came to mind and ill try to blog about them as time allows me…time allows me, its like if I’m a slave of time, heh… being human is sad sometimes.

After the entire weird prelude, this line hit me, ‘as time allows me’. Time and Life, two words, somehow end up meaning the same. Its like fire, as long as you’re in control of it, you make great use of it. But as soon as it slips out of your hands, it controls you… and eventually consumes you.

Our life, and the never ending routine that controls it. Waking up early in the morning when you’d better be dreaming about that, uhh well whatever you saw the other day at Park towers that fascinated you. Leaving home without breakfast cuz you’d be late and wont get a seat in the so called mini-bus, reach the office after the ‘core time’, be cranky all day cuz of that, end up having stupid arguments with co-workers, leave for home thinking you don’t get paid enough and you don’t get due appreciation for your work, all in all your job sucks. And even though you tried to wake up early and avoid all that, shit still happens, it always does.
So you come home, finally after all the non-stop commute through the 100% pure O2 and noise less streets, you’re hungry, the fridge is empty cause you forgot to buy groceries on the way back, its already 11 PM, you don’t feel like going out, you go to bed on an empty stomach. Lying on the bed you stare at the ceiling, thinking about how your life is a puddle of what’s produced after rotten food indigestion. You think that ‘my life sucks’ is an understatement.

Ever happened to you, maybe not this graphic but it happens to all of us, shit does happen. So what do we do about it, wake up the next morning and go do the exact same full of crap routine all over again.

Ever wondered why? Why we don’t break the cycle, why do we keep on doing all this. I guess not, ‘cause we don’t have time to think about it. We’re so busy in our mindless endless never ending cycle of life that we never stop and wonder about it. Is it about more money, more fame, hotter chicks, faster cars, more respect, and richer hotter prettier chicks? Where does it end, does it even have an end?
Even I do the very same thing, get swamped in the quest for a better life, but sometimes I just get so friggin tired of it that I cant take it anymore, start wondering whats all this for anyways, who am I doing this for, why why why?
So what I do is, go out for a nice walk. Usually people prefer a walk that peaceful, at place where the buzz of the city life cannot be seen or heard of. My walk is a bit different, yeah having a stroll in a silent green park lets you find sanity, peace and tranquility… but it’s like running away from reality, a temporary solution. Next day you have to come back to reality, will all its buzz, noise and pollution. So why drug yourself!? I prefer to go to the busy street near my house, and stroll over there. Imagine the cars passing by you as life passing by, every person in his own world, cars coming and going, non-stop… it feels like life passing by you. You feel like you’ve side stepped from the endless cycle of life, and you pity the people that haven’t. Compile your thoughts, figure out what exactly you want from life, what you wish to do, and not let life control you for a while.
You might not believe me, but the feeling is unreal. The thoughts, the visions, the memories, the words, the people and all that, that’s between them… it all flashes by you, all that is important to you. You gather enough hope to get through another couple of days.

Make time or take time! Side step from the busy street of life for a while, and ask yourself ‘why?’

Ok so this wasn’t as good as the other blogs, but its better than nothing, but do try the busy road stroll sometime, it might not make you want to change your life the next day, but it just might force you to make breakfast for yourself! After all it’s a brand new day with the same old shit!

What men want and can’t get…

[this didn’t actually happen, but it could…]

Its midnight, a distorted reflection of the moon shines through a small puddle of rain water sitting on the side of the footpath, four of us sitting at the corner staring at our watches and thinking about the wretched work we had to return to the next morning.
Then from nowhere she came and stole our hearts.
There was a melodious roar that broke the eternal silence and instantly caught our attention. As we gazed upon the dark alley, there emerged a luminous beauty amidst from the darkness. The moonlight falling on her smooth skin with a tint of gloss on it. The soft slow movement and those bright blue wondrous eyes. She had everything to be a top Italian model.
We were mesmerized, hypnotized…! She was the type any guy would want, and knew he couldn’t get. You would want to drive her like crazy. The smoke she exhausted seemed more pure than air itself. The type you would want to feel her leather against you jeans. You would want to shift her into overdrive and make her scream like never before. You would want to grip her tight, and steer her into the unknown. You would want to feel her tantalizing curves cutting through the air pushing against it. One would want to spend all their lives with her. Taking care of her. Keep her like a princess. But she was too expensive for us, we wouldn’t be able to afford her. She wouldn’t be happy in our small place.
She passed us by, her sweet perfume felt as if it was fueling our helpless desires. She left, disappeared into the endless night, only to leave us stranded in smoke. All we were left with was heartache…
I’ll never forget that Ferrari Modena, never ever… [for the extremely illiterate that’s one the greatest sports cars from the Italian company Ferrari]

Huh… whats that… what were you thinking?

What will your verse be?

Another comment worth mentioning, "looney" again...


Thought you might enjoy this...

"We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and
necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, 'O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless
trains of the faithless--of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?' Answer. That you are here--that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you
may contribute a verse.
That the powerful play goes on and you
may contribute a verse...
What will your verse be?"

- Tom Schulman, from The Dead Poets Society

A Comment worth commenting about...

Some "looney" posted this as a comment, since this was worth a read and not many people read the comments, I thought I'd put it as a permanent blog... Enjoy!


I don't know of love, so I can't say I'm in love
Though the question lingers and he whom I can't stop thinking of
The person of an unknown kind
The one who has settled in my mind

In me, he's managed to find a comfortable seat
He can have my heart of which he's begun to eat
He has my speech as music to his ears
He has my body to shelter him of all fears

And to me, his mind's a puzzle yet to be solved
But when I do the troubles wont be resolved
I might learn he loves me too, so I'll run away and hide
Put myself a place he'll never find

Wid Al Bayaty
April 25,1999

The Freshman Women Theory

The Freshman Women Theory

You know why we all end up like this in college/university. Well most guys at least. Because when you start, you’re more worried about ragging, the new feel of University life, the course load, the tension etc that you focus on other things than women. The lucky bastards that don’t have to care about these things jump at the opportunity. Usually the seniors get the first shot at them, and you don’t dare get in their way. After they’ve got ‘em, you find everyone talking “What does she see in him… just because he plays center in the volley team… there are way better guys in our own batch…”. Women can’t wait for juniors and take a shot at them, its either someone their own batch or someone senior. So they pick from what they have right there. So basically they have to pick the best from the selection of losers. [Remember all the good ones hanging out with the utter most complete idiots]

So what do the guys do then, they say heck there aren’t any good ones in our batch [because they get to see them constantly yapping in the class and outside…reality scares them] so like we’ll wait for the next batch.

What happens when the next batch comes, well some ‘tharki’s’ what I like to call them, grab at the opportunity with doing assignments or helping them in every low down gawd awful way man can imagine losing all of his self respect for some slut whose using him. Anyways so they get them, the few that actually do go down to that level. The others just think that we need a better way of doing it, a better level of interaction. They never get it, its different batches, differenet courses and all… you never get to be in the same class and never find a talking point to break the ice.
All of sudden its been 4 years, last day at university and you say to your friends “Dude! I almost had her…”

Pretty sad people aren’t we…

FAST, in the past

FAST, in the past

I went to my University a few weeks ago. Well actually my ex-University. But many people would agree that it’s the place where you did your bachelors is what gets etched into yourself forever. Whether you go on to get a masters or even a PHD from a better local or abroad university, the place for the first one…always remains.
That’s how I felt about FAST, and since the univ was holding a MELA festival for the newly recruited “freshies” from the cream of a thousand students of Karachi who just somehow want to get in. So I said what the heck, lets check it out, it been months since I last went there. Plus of friend o’ mine wanted to get some docs out from there, so that he no longer has any links to the place and leaves no chances of life imprisonment at the hands of the FAST administration.

It was a Saturday, I left early from work. I always thought FAST was pretty far away, but I guessed it was the tension of the five on hour classes, the midterms and gawd awful scenery on the drive to the place. And I was so right, took me about an hour to get there.

Anyways so I was finally there, the excitement, the curiosity, all disappeared into thin air after a few minutes. Like a really good cheery song all of a sudden stops as if the record got broken. “What the hell is this!” I said to myself.

It wasn’t the same anymore, like everything else… it changed. I gazed around for a friendly face, no luck. I walked through the corridors and I felt like a stranger in no mans land. The building, although didn’t change, seemed different. Why was I feeling like this I wondered.

Such deep thoughts scared me. So I started to find distractions… and don’t mind me saying this, but there were many, far many. Why wasn’t it like this when we were here, why did I had to always end up with the dry seasons. Then I had to distract myself from the distractions, so came with a theory… the Freshman theory [i put it in another post... it deserved it..]

Ok so done with the theory, and now I figured out why I didn’t feel the same way about FAST. Infact this was the exact same feeling I had when I went back to my school back in Riyadh. I was never attached to the place in itself, I was attached to the times I had here. The friends I made and the times we had together. Still I could imagine the crazy stuff we did looking at the library table we sat at, the Dhaba, the Canteen, the weird awkward places we used to hang at. But still… it’ll be a long long time before I come back to this place…again.

Just to get myself in a better mood, I reminded myself of the Bitch Slut theory.

The Bitch Slut Thoery [milder rippoff of a Little Johnny joke]

Slut: someone who goes out with everyone.

Bitch: someone who goes out with everyone but you.


I felt much better after that…

Taking chances...

“10th September, 2004”
I may want to remember this day, if eventually everything works out. If its doesn’t, I may want to think this day never happened. One thing is for sure, I made a few life changing decisions today.
It’s really scary when you make decision that might possibly end up changing your life forever. But you know what scarier, making a decision that not only changes your life, but also someone else’s life along with it.
Either you make a decision to accept the career that fate chose for you, although you never saw yourself doing it. It could be that you choose to live for your someone else rather than yourslef. Or it might just be the decision you made for something you wanted so much but always knew the odds weren’t in your favor.
Life is all about taking chances, taking calculated risks. Sometimes you end up with the joy of success, sometimes, with the agony of defeat. But more often than not, it’s worth it.

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”

I believe there’s a hero in all of us. Given the moment and the desire, we all can be heros on our day. At times, you have to rely on miracles.
How exactly I feel right now is hard to explain.
Its like as if you were in a basketball game, end of the fourth quarter, 2 points behind, 5 seconds on the clock… and someone passes you the ball. You only have enough time to score one basket and level the game. But somehow you want more, and even though you know you’re bad at shooting 3-pointers, something makes you believe you can do it. Everything suddenly stops, like as if time froze for you… for your moment. You shoot, you take your chance, you bet on yourself. You risk losing the game, just because you so want to win it. The buzzer goes off, times up, the ball hits the rim, and it’s wobbling on top of it. As of now, it’s not in your hands, all you can do is pray it goes in, pray that you didn’t miss your shot.

That’s what happened to me. I took my shot, now all I do is pray… my luck still wobbling somewhere.

Somehow things feel different. You don’t feel afraid anymore. Maybe because you know you took your shot, the best you could have possibly done.

Whatever happens in the end, you feel you can’t lose…
You just might not win…